Mmmmm

Its amazingly funny how things in you can change, and you never realise it. Its just been three weeks in Norway, and I’ve picked up the habit of saying “mmm” for the most life threatning to the most trivial things.

Its not a simple mmm. Its an mmmmm which comes from deep inside – from the very bottom of my lungs. It comes out very deep, like the end three quarters of ‘Om’.

Today, I commented on a dear friend’s blog, and though I loved the post so much, and was very moved by it, all I could say was “Mmmmm”.

And I’m so very comfortable doing it. The first few times I did it, it was like I always wanted to do it. It was like finding a friend who was I was so close to in a past life of mine.

Wow. How things can change… And how it escapes you… Ironically ridiculous, when I think that just three weeks back, my every prayer, and my every hope yearned that I am in control of my change.

I’ve started letting go. Of so many things. Things which I would have held on to, dearer than life, if  were a few thousand miles away, in that place I call home. I find peace by connecting to the Self. I almost don’t cry anymore. I give a hug to myself, console my self, counsel my self, forgive my self… Its a whole sociosystem right inside me – so many people running around…

I’ve been trying extremely hard to give space to others. Because often, I’ve found myself way too dominating. Should have been more careful. Because now, I find that I cannot make that space for my self myself; I have to be offered. How pathetic.

I don’t talk anymore. I cannot talk if I’m not being genuine. And I can’t be genuine if I don’t talk.

The things going on right now would have bowled me over, a few weeks back. But its so easy here, to get bowled over again and again deep inside, and not let a single soul outside know an iota about it.

And after all this, oommmmmmmmmm, and everything’s alright. Everything is in the picture. Everything I see, is the way, because thats the only way it can be. Peace.