IPM Rocks

There exists in the labyrinths beneath the Temple of Knowledge, a department. This department can be compared to the dragon awaiting the arrival of the chivalrous and handsome Prince Charming, to die. (but of course, has none of the charm, energy, power, or fire breath associated with our usual dragons)

This department is well and truly known to each and every student who has walked into the phalanxed arches of the noble institution which we all know. They seem to echo Captain Mifune’s principles (as in the movie Matrix Revolutions)… Their motto, illegally borrowed from Warner Bros, goes something like -

“Lets give them HELL before they graduate!”

But we at the Witness Times are pretty Maslow in perspective, and believe in the inherent good in every human being/living creature/department. In fact go to the extent of saying, IPM Rocks!

What the average student of the institution does not realise is that, though bitter in treatment, the IPM is actually introducing wave after wave of challenges, which are to be overcome. Though this might seem immediately unpleasant and bitter, in the long run, it turns out to be worth your while. We might even say that IPM is one of the salient features of the institution, since it makes the institution itself look so pleasing. After all, which princess wouldn’t look beautiful if you had to fight a dragon to reach her? The horrific way in which the IPM treat the students make, in the eyes of those students, the other departments relatively look like lilies and orchids… Thus reducing mental blocks in education.

Just earlier today, the IPM decided to give the students a quick course on suicide prevention. Last week, the Psychology Department had proudly organised the suicide prevention week. Today, in the spirit of the same, the IPM, which was supposed to release the hall-tickets for the upcoming exam, decided that the students of the institution were too sensitive, and needed some skin-hardening. So, they started playing the ‘on-off’ magic act (which had previously been adopted by the Electricity Board to much acclaim).

The releasing of hall-tickets was done ingeniously through the internet. A small link appeared in the navigation bar of the page where a student could check his/her attendance statistics. The ominous documents were supposed to be released at 4PM. The website was down until 5.30. It appeared, yes. And then it disappeared. It appeared again after five minutes, and then again it disappeared. And again it appeared, and again it disappeared.

One of the students had managed to view his hall ticket in one of those brief glimpses of the link, and to his surprise, he found that one subject was missing from it! And whilst he freaked out (not about the subject being there, but on contemplating that he would have to approach the IPM tomorrow to get it sorted…) the link appeared, and disappeared, and appeared, and disappeared.

So why were they doing this? Simple! They wanted to make the students’ hearts run faster, and slower, and faster again, and slower again… An ingenious mechanism to make their hearts strong enough by the time they could print out that heavenly document. How can anyone question this divine motive? How can anyone say that the IPM is bad? Huh?

And meanwhile, it looks like the link is gone for good. A Witness Times staff posted to check the appearance of the link for half an hour straight, refreshing the page every 5 seconds, reports that the link has ceased appearing.

Hey, the IMP is just giving you some time to calm down, before they release the actual, proper, hall ticket. Don’t they have a sense of humour!

That’s why we say, IPM ROCKS!

UPDATE : It seems that the Witness Times analogies were true, and the IPM has finally come out with a stable web page, with all subjects listed. Mr Freak Out, who also happens to be Agent M, the freaked out guy writing this entry, has stopped freaking out as of now.

The Witness Times News Service

[The issue presented here is true to the best of our beliefs, though
the similes and metaphors used may be a bit larger than life]